I've been plodding along, day in and day out for months now. Torn between two could-be's.
The first, the dream of a simple country life - planting vegetable gardens, growing flowers, teaching children, outdoor exploring, reading books, drying clothes on the line, watching sunsets over fields and feeling warm summer breezes on a porch swing, hearing sounds of birds and creeks and children, and family picnics and hikes, and swimming and wading and fishing and camping. Enjoying the splendor of God's creation and basking in the love of husband, daughters, and family and friends.
The other, a vision of what might be a more sacrificial life of service to God? Third world countries and starving children and mothers dying and leaving babies alone. Dirt floors and tattered clothing and streets overflowing with garbage and violence and fear and despair.
Can both be lived in honor? Can both bring glory to God? Are some called to the first life and others to the second? Are we free to choose either within the will of God so long as we are serving others, no matter whether the 'others' are our own husband and children or strangers half a world away? Is it selfish of me to spend money on bookshelves and flowers when millions have no money to feed their children? Or is this the season in my life to pour all I have into teaching, nurturing, training, educating, and providing for my own children? Or both?
I am not the first to ask such questions. And I imagine there is no one-size-fits all answer. I'm just waiting for my answer.
